Personal Ad Translations
A List of Abbreviations in the "Women Seeking Men" Classifieds:
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Code Word: 40-ish 
Really Means: 48 
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Code Word: Adventurous 
Really Means: Has had more partners than you ever will 
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Code Word: Affectionate 
Really Means: Possessive 
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Code Word: Artist 
Really Means: Unreliable 
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Code Word:
 Athletic 
Really Means: Flat chested 
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Code Word:
 Average looking 
Really Means: Ugly 
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Code Word:
 Beautiful 
Really Means: Pathological liar 
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Code Word:
 Commitment-minded 
Really Means: Pick out curtains, now! 
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Code Word:
 Communication important 
Really Means: Just try to get a word in edge-wise 
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Code Word:
 Contagious Smile 
Really Means: Bring your penicillin 
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Code Word:
 Educated 
Really Means: College dropout 
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Code Word:
 Emotionally Secure 
Really Means: Medicated 
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Code Word:
 Employed 
Really Means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home 
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Code Word:
 Enjoys art and opera 
Really Means: Snob 
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Code Word:
 Enjoys Nature 
Really Means: Bring your own granola 
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Code Word:
 Exotic Beauty 
Really Means: Would frighten a Martian 
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Code Word:
 Feminist 
Really Means: Fat; ball buster 
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Code Word:
 Financially Secure 
Really Means: One paycheck from the street 
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Code Word:
 Free spirit 
Really Means: Substance user 
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Code Word:
 Friendship first 
Really Means: Trying to live down reputation as slut  
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Code Word:
 Fun 
Really Means: Annoying 
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Code Word:
 Gentle 
Really Means: Comatose 
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Code Word:
 Good Listener 
Really Means: Borderline Autistic 
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Code Word:
 Humorous 
Really Means: Caustic 
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Code Word:
 Intuitive 
Really Means: Your opinion doesn't count 
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Code Word:
 In Transition 
Really Means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills 
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Code Word:
 Light drinker 
Really Means: Lush 
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Code Word:
 Looks younger 
Really Means: If viewed from far away in bad light 
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Code Word:
 Loves Travel 
Really Means: If you're paying 
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Code Word:
 Loves Animals 
Really Means: Cat lady 
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Code Word:
 Mature 
Really Means: Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did 
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Code Word:
 New-Age 
Really Means: All body hair, all the time 
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Code Word:
 Non-tradional 
Really Means: Ex-husband lives in the basement 
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Code Word:
 Old-fashioned 
Really Means: Lights out, missionary position only 
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Code Word:
 Open-minded 
Really Means: Desperate 
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Code Word:
 Outgoing 
Really Means: Loud 
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Code Word:
 Passionate 
Really Means: Loud 
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Code Word:
 Petite 
Really Means: Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins 
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Code Word:
 Poet 
Really Means: Depressive Schzophrenic 
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Code Word:
 Professional 
Really Means: Bitch 
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Code Word:
 Redhead 
Really Means: Shops on the Clairol aisle 
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Code Word:
 Reliable 
Really Means: Frumpy 
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Code Word:
 Reubenesque 
Really Means: Grossly Fat 
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Code Word:
 Romantic 
Really Means: Looks better by candle light 
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Code Word:
 Self-employed 
Really Means: Jobless 
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Code Word:
 Smart 
Really Means: Insipid 
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Code Word:
 Special 
Really Means: Road the short schoolbus 
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Code Word:
 Spiritual 
Really Means: Involved with a cult 
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Code Word:
 Stable 
Really Means: Boring 
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Code Word:
 Tall, thin 
Really Means: Anorexic 
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Code Word:
 Tan 
Really Means: Wrinkled 
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Code Word:
 Voluptuous 
Really Means: Very Fat 
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Code Word:
 Weight proportional to height 
Really Means: Hugely Fat 
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Code Word:
 Wants Soulmate 
Really Means: One step away from stalking 
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Code Word:
 Widow 
Really Means: Nagged first husband to death 
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Code Word:
 Writer 
Really Means: Pompous 
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Code Word:
 Young at heart 
Really Means: Old Toothless Fogie