Personal Ad Translations

Personal Ad Translations
A List of Abbreviations in the "Women Seeking Men" Classifieds:

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Code Word: 40-ish
Really Means: 48

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Code Word: Adventurous
Really Means: Has had more partners than you ever will

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Code Word: Affectionate
Really Means: Possessive

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Code Word: Artist
Really Means: Unreliable

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Code Word:
Athletic
Really Means: Flat chested

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Code Word:
Average looking
Really Means: Ugly

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Code Word:
Beautiful
Really Means: Pathological liar

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Code Word:
Commitment-minded
Really Means: Pick out curtains, now!

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Code Word:
Communication important
Really Means: Just try to get a word in edge-wise

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Code Word:
Contagious Smile
Really Means: Bring your penicillin

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Code Word:
Educated
Really Means: College dropout

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Code Word:
Emotionally Secure
Really Means: Medicated

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Code Word:
Employed
Really Means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home

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Code Word:
Enjoys art and opera
Really Means: Snob

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Code Word:
Enjoys Nature
Really Means: Bring your own granola

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Code Word:
Exotic Beauty
Really Means: Would frighten a Martian

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Code Word:
Feminist
Really Means: Fat; ball buster

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Code Word:
Financially Secure
Really Means: One paycheck from the street

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Code Word:
Free spirit
Really Means: Substance user

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Code Word:
Friendship first
Really Means: Trying to live down reputation as slut

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Code Word:
Fun
Really Means: Annoying

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Code Word:
Gentle
Really Means: Comatose

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Code Word:
Good Listener
Really Means: Borderline Autistic

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Code Word:
Humorous
Really Means: Caustic

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Code Word:
Intuitive
Really Means: Your opinion doesn't count

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Code Word:
In Transition
Really Means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills

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Code Word:
Light drinker
Really Means: Lush

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Code Word:
Looks younger
Really Means: If viewed from far away in bad light

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Code Word:
Loves Travel
Really Means: If you're paying

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Code Word:
Loves Animals
Really Means: Cat lady

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Code Word:
Mature
Really Means: Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did

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Code Word:
New-Age
Really Means: All body hair, all the time

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Code Word:
Non-tradional
Really Means: Ex-husband lives in the basement

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Code Word:
Old-fashioned
Really Means: Lights out, missionary position only

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Code Word:
Open-minded
Really Means: Desperate

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Code Word:
Outgoing
Really Means: Loud

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Code Word:
Passionate
Really Means: Loud

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Code Word:
Petite
Really Means: Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins

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Code Word:
Poet
Really Means: Depressive Schzophrenic

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Code Word:
Professional
Really Means: Bitch

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Code Word:
Redhead
Really Means: Shops on the Clairol aisle

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Code Word:
Reliable
Really Means: Frumpy

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Code Word:
Reubenesque
Really Means: Grossly Fat

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Code Word:
Romantic
Really Means: Looks better by candle light

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Code Word:
Self-employed
Really Means: Jobless

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Code Word:
Smart
Really Means: Insipid

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Code Word:
Special
Really Means: Road the short schoolbus

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Code Word:
Spiritual
Really Means: Involved with a cult

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Code Word:
Stable
Really Means: Boring

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Code Word:
Tall, thin
Really Means: Anorexic

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Code Word:
Tan
Really Means: Wrinkled

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Code Word:
Voluptuous
Really Means: Very Fat

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Code Word:
Weight proportional to height
Really Means: Hugely Fat

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Code Word:
Wants Soulmate
Really Means: One step away from stalking

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Code Word:
Widow
Really Means: Nagged first husband to death

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Code Word:
Writer
Really Means: Pompous

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Code Word:
Young at heart
Really Means: Old Toothless Fogie