KaRaM SiNGh WaLia ;-)

Karam Singh Walia Melaporkan Utk Tv3
Salam sejahtera, "Satu kajian menunjukkan kaum wanita lebih
gagah daripada Lelaki kerana mampu membawa dua buah gunung, kaum lelaki
hanya Mampu membawa dua biji telur, itupun dengan bantuan seekor burung.....!!!!"

AKHIR KATA,

JINAK-JINAK BURUNG MERPATI,
JINAK LAGI BURUNG SENDIRI,
BURUNG MERPATI DIDEKAT LARI,
BURUNG SENDIRI DIPEGANG BERDIRI.

Tetapi kegagahan & kecerdikan kaum lelaki membawa telur kemana-mana
&tidak pecah memang satu keajaiban..
renungkanlahhh..

Nasib orang lelaki...

Mandi lambat, bini marah,
Bangun lambat, bini marah,
Balik lambat, bini marah,
Pancut lambat, bini ghairah!!!

SEKIAN,
* KARAM SINGH WALIA MELAPORKAN UTK
TV3.

JoE...

Joe is being plagued by terrible headaches. One day, after years of suffering, he decides to see a migraine specialist. The doctor tells Joe to strip, inspects him all over, and announces that hes
found the cause of his problem. Your testicles are pressing against the base of your spine, says the medic. The pressure builds up, and you get an excruciating headache. Joe is appalled. Tell me, doctor, is there anything I can do about it? he asks. Im afraid I have bad news. The only answer is to get rid of the testicles, says the doctor. Joe considers the pros and cons of a life without balls and sex but then he thinks about the agony of his daily headaches, and without too much difficulty decides to go for the snip. He comes round from the operation and leaves the hospital. Walking along the street, he smiles as he realizes that the pain has completely disappeared. To celebrate, he decides to treat himself to some new clothes, so he makes his way to a top tailor to get fitted. Inside the tailors, he asks to see a pair of trousers. The tailor looks at Joe and says, Youll need a 36-inch waist, 33-inch inside leg. Joe is amazed at the accuracy of the tailors eye, and asks for a shirt. Thatll be a 42-inch chest, 16-inch neck, the tailor says, and Joe is once again stunned by his accuracy. Finally, all that is left is a pair of underpants. 36? guesses the tailor incorrectly. No, sorry, Im a 34, Joe says. Ive worn a 34 since I was 18.

This is not possible, frowns the tailor. If a man of your size wore a size 34, the pants would press his testicles into the base of his spine, causing the most horrific headaches.

ToP JoKeS...

Top joke in UK
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.
Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She say to a
man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll
hold your monkey for you."


Top joke in Canada
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in
zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including
glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.

Top joke in Australia
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up
this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and
saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and
pasty,my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look
on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."

Top Joke in England
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other
one.He screams, "I slept with your mother!"
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will
do.The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."

Top Joke in Northern Ireland
A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. 'Oh
dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.
The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.
'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be
worse?' The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.

SECOND PLACE
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner
and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some
hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his
faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And
what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I
deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically,
I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I
can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant
part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone
has stolen our tent!"

AsKiNG ThE RiGhT QuESTiOn...

Jack and Max are walking from religious service.
Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

Moral of the story is... The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

For Example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project,
don't ask for the holiday;
ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"

BaLGoBiN n TEaCHeR...

TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your
math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using
tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you
spell "crocodile"?
BALGOBIN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me
how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for
water?
BALGOBIN : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find
North America.
BALGOBIN : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered
America?
CLASS : Balgobin !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing
we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN : Me !
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, why do you always get so
dirty?
BALGOBIN : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground
than you are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to
write?
BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases
caused by biting insects?
BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting
with "I".
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example
of "COINCIDENCE?"
BALGOBIN : "Sir, my Mother and Father got
married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only
chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why
his father didn't punish
him?"
BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in
his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN : Well, where did you get THIS
mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are
wearing, one is green and one is blue with red
spots !
BALGOBIN : Yes it's really strange. I've got
another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating
a donkey and stopped him,what virtue would I be
showing?
BALGOBIN : Brotherly love ?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you
say prayers before eating ?
BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a
good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on "My
Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did
you copy his?
BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps
on talking when people are no longer interested?
BALGOBIN : A teacher

ManU, LiVeRPooL, ArSeNaL

There are three premiership teams stranded in a
desert - Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal.

They have been there for one week when they
finally come across a dead camel.

The Man United players say 'As we're
ManCHESTer United, we'll have the chest.'

The Liverpool players say 'As we're LIVERpool,
we'll have the liver.'

'We're not hungry,' say the ARSEnal players

=)

> > > While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea
> > > with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership
> > > philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with
> > > intelligent people.

> > > Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

> > > "I do so by asking them the right questions," says
> > > the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
> > >
> > > Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and

> > > says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your
> > > mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
> > > your brother or sister. Who is it?"

> > > Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
> > >
> > >
> > > "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the
> > > Kalam.He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
> > > Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President.
> > >
> > >
> > > Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush,
> > > upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put
> > > the Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to
> > > the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you
> > > can answer a question for me."
> > >
> > > "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
> > >
> > >
> > > Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and
> > > your father has a child, and this child is not your brother
> > > or your sister. Who is it?"
> > >
> > > Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think
> > > about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice
> > > leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
> > > and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but
> > > nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation,
> > > Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

> > > "Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your
> > > father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your
> > > sister.
> > >
> > > Who is it?"
> > >
> > > Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

> > > Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,
> > > finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer,
> > > sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"
> > >
> > > And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan
> > > Singh!"

Why Dr. Mahathir insisted on using English for
math and science?

This is because the whole world uses the language
as an information and/or technology language.
How dangerous it will be if we try to use Bahasa,
especially in school. See example below.

hardware = barangkeras software = baranglembut
joystick = batang gembira plug and play = cucuk
dan main port = lubang server = pelayan client =
pelanggan

Try to translate this:
ENGLISH :
That server gives a plug and play service to the
clients using either hardware or software joystick.
The joystick goes into the port of the client

Now in BAHASA:
Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk
dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira
jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu
dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.

Now You Know.......