21st CeNTuRy LiFe LeSs NeSs...

Our communication - Wireless
Our business - Cashless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our religion - Creedless
Our food - Fatless
Our faith - Godless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our commitment - Aimless
Our life - Meaningless
Our bosses - Hopeless

Our salary - Very less !!!!!!!!!!!!

LiTTLe JoHNNy

A new teacher was trying to make use of her
psychology courses. She started her class by
saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The
teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there
all by yourself!"
============================
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother
smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who
then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
===============================

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't
paying attention in class she called on him and said,
"Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO
and the Cartoon Network!"
==============================
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field
trip to their local police station where they saw
pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most
wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and
asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
=============================
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his
father. He watched as his father moved from horse
to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make
sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said,"Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mommy.

The OxForD DiCTiONaRy's LaTeST DeFiNiTiOn...

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the
following words.

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with
fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the
notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through the minds of either.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a
way that everybody believes he got the biggest
piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-
power is defeated by feminine water power.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before
work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody
talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees
later on.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not
read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office : A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get
to open their mouth.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know
more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing
individually and sit to decide that nothing can be
done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during
life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in
such a way that you actually look forward to the
trip.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel
tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die
rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except
that he got caught.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before
elections and your confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and
kills you with his bills.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late
and late when you are early.

THe CoMPuTeR GeNDeR DeBaTe...

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class
that, in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine
or feminine. "House"
for instance, is feminine: "la casa". "Pencil"
however is masculine:
"el lapiz".

A student asked, "What gender is "computer"?

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the
class into two groups,
male and female, and asked them to decide for
themselves whether "computer"
should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each
group was asked to give four
reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should
definitely be of the feminine
gender ("la computer") because:

1. No one but their creator understands their
internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate
with other computers is
impossible to understand.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-
term memory for possible
later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one,
you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it. (No
chuckling...this gets better!).

The women's group, however, concluded that
computers should be masculine
("el computer") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to
turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for
themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems
but half the time they ARE
the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize
that, if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model!

The women won.

LaWaK LoCaL...

Lawak1

Satu pagi di stesen ketapi, ada satu makcik tu dia
tanya petugas kaunter...
Makcik : Anak, keretapi sampai jam berapa??
Petugas kaunter: Jam 2 Kedah, jam 5 Kelantan,
jam 1 Penang, jam 7 Gemas. Makcik nak pergi
mana??
Makcik : Makcik nak melintas aja.

Lawak 2

Bangla dan rakannya sedang berbual
Bangla : Esok saya nak balik bangladesh, isteri
saya mengandung 3 bulan.
Rakan : Wah mesti awak gembira
Bangla : Sudah tentu, sudah 3 tahun saya tak
balik!
Rakan : ?????

Lawak 3

Di sekolah tabika.
Cikgu : Amri, awak ada berapa beradik?
Amri : Tiga, cikgu
Cikgu : Awak yg paling tua?
Amri : Tak. Atuk saya....

Lawak 4

Sorang nurse di hospital sakit jiwa nampak sorang
pesakit sedang tulis surat.
Nurse : Ko tulis surat kt sapa?
Gila : Aku tulis surat untuk diri aku sendiri"
Nurse : Jadi.. apa yang ko tulis?
Gila : Mana aku tau? Esok pagi bila posmen
hantar, baru la aku boleh baca.

Lawak 5

Ada seorang pemuda ke kedai mamak dia hanya
ada 70 sen semasa itu.
Pemuda : Mamak berapa harga teh panas
deengan sejuk?
Mamak : Panas 70 sen sejuk RM1.20.
Pemuda :! Bagi teh panas 1.
Sampai je teh tersebut pemuda itu terus minum.
Mamak : Kenapa awak minum cepat sangat?
Pemuda : Kalau saya tunggu lama2 nanti sejuk
tak fasal2 saya kena bayar RM1.20.

FiSH JoKe...

Say the word fish b4 each word

fish
about
talking
idiot
this
got
I
long
how
look

now say the word fish after each word

fish
about
talking
idiot
got
I
long
how
look

now say the word fish b4 and after each word

fish
about
talking
idiot
this
got
I
long
how
look

now just read the words upward from the bottom

fish
about
talking
idiot
this
got
I
long
how
look

ReaSoNs Y i DoN'T ViSiT My RiCH FRieNDs...

Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid
approached me and....

Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,Chocolate,
Capuccino, Frapuccino,or Coffee?"
Answer: " Tea please"

Question : " Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea,Bush tea,Honey bush tea,Iced tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?
Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, or fresh cream?
Answer: "With milk "

Question: "Goat's milk, or cow's milk"
Answer: "With cow's milk please.

Question: " Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll just take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer: "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water? "
Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I think I'll just die of thirst

U Betta Stop Eating Chicken Sandwiches~!!!

A little boy and a little girl attended the same
school and became friends.

Every day they would sit together to eat their
lunch. They discovered that they both brought
chicken sandwiches every day!

This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades,
until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't
a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating
chicken, don't you like it anymore?"

She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting
to grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said.

"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.

He looked and said, "That's right. You are!

Better not eat any more chicken." He kept eating
his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought
peanut butter. He said to the little girl,

"I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches. I'm
starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his
pants for her.

She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've
already got the neck and the gizzards"!!

Malaysian English vs Britian English...

Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc. The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare these hrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are and a long distance call.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please!lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u/LANCAUUUUUUUU/cibai la/puki mak/pu nya ma!!!

CooL AniMaTiOn

check out tis cool n funny flash animation... its about the song milkshake by kelis...

view by clicking here => MiLkShaKe

=) post ur comments on the animation =)

RaCiSM...

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning
and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down,
he noticed a white man behind him. The white man
said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:

"When I was born I was black,"

"When I grew up I was black,"

"When I'm sick I'm black,"

"When I go in the sun I'm black,"

"When I'm cold I'm black,"

"When I die I'll be black."

"But you sir..."

"When you're born you're pink,"

"When you grow up you're white,"

"When you're sick, you're green,"

"When you go in the sun you turn red,"

"When you're cold you turn blue,"

"And when you die you turn purple."

"And you have the nerve to call me colored!!!"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

TrUe n UnKnoWn FaCTs (PaRT 2)

18. Question - This is the only food that
doesn't
spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey

19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

20. A snail can sleep for three years.

21. All polar bears are left handed.

22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in
1987 by
eliminating one olive from each salad
served in
first-
class.

23. Butterflies taste with their feet.

24.Elephants are the only animals that
can't jump.

25.In the last 4000 years, no new animals
have
been domesticated.

26. On average, people fear spiders more
than
they do death.

27. Shakespeare invented the
word 'assassination'
and 'bump'.

28. Stewardesses is the longest word
typed with
only the left hand.

29. The ant always falls over on its right
side when
intoxicated.

30. The electric chair was invented by a
dentist.

31. The human heart creates enough
pressure
when it pumps out to the body to squirt
blood 30
feet.

32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18
months, two rats could have over million
descendants.

33. Wearing headphones for just an hour
will
increase the bacteria in your ear by 700
times.

34. The cigarette lighter was invented
before the
match.

35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

36. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue
print is
different

37. And finally 99% of people who read
this will try
to lick their elbow

wahahhaa!!!GOTCHA!!!

TrUe n UnKnoWn FaCTs (PaRT 1)

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.

2. The most common name in the world is
Mohammed.

3.The name of all the continents end
with the
same letter that they start with.

4. The strongest muscle in the body is the
tongue.

5. There are two credit cards for every
person in
the United States.

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that
can be
made using the letters only on one row of
the
keyboard.

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as
men!

8. You can't kill yourself by holding your
breath.

9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

10. People say "Bless you" when you
sneeze
because when you sneeze,your heart
stops for a
millisecond.

11. It is physically impossible for pigs to
look up
into the sky.

12. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's
sick"
is said to be the toughest tongue twister
in the
English language.

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can
fracture a
rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you
can
rupture a blood vessel in your head or
neck and
die.

14. Each king in a deck of playing cards
represents great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =
12,345,678,987,654,321

16. If a statue of a person in the park on a
horse
has both front legs in the air, the person
died in
battle.If the horse has one front leg in the
air,the
person died as a result of wounds
received in
battle.If the horse has a all four legs on
the ground,
the person died of natural causes.

17. What do bullet proof vests, fire
escapes,
windshield wipers and laser printers all
have in
common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

InTeResTinG QuOTeS

Anger is a condition in which
the tongue works faster than the mind.

You can't change the past,
but you can ruin the present
by worrying over the future.

Love...and you shall be loved.
God always gives His best to those
who leave the choice with Him.

All people smile in the same language.
A hug is a great gift... one size fits all.
It can be given for any occasion
and it's easy to exchange.

Everyone needs to be loved...
especially when they do not deserve it.

The real measure of a man's wealth
is what he has invested in eternity.

Laughter is God's sunshine.
Everyone has beauty
but not everyone sees it.

It's important for parents to live
the same things they teach.

Thank God for what you have,
TRUST GOD for what you need.

If you fill your heart with regrets of
yesterday and the worries of tomorrow,
you have no today to be thankful for.

Man looks at outward appearance
but the Lord looks within.

The choice you make today
will usually affect tomorrow.

Take time to laugh, for it is
the music of the soul.

If anyone speaks badly of you,
live so none will believe it.

Patience is the ability to idle your motor
when you feel like stripping your gears.

Love is strengthened by working
through conflicts together.

The best thing parents can do
for their children is to love each other.

Harsh words break no bones
but they do break hearts.

To get out of a difficulty,
one usually must go through it.

We take for granted the things
that we should be giving thanks for.

Love is the only thing that can be
divided without being diminished.

Happiness is enhanced by others
but does not depend upon others.

For every minute you are angry with someone,
you lose 60 seconds of happiness
that you can never get back.
Do what you can, for who you can,
with what you have, and where you are