StTtT-uUuU-tTreiN-gGg!!!

Travis goes to the doctor and tells the doctor"I c-c-can't s-s-stop s-s-stuttering".
The doctor checks him over and says "the problem is your dick is to big and it's pulling down on your vocal cord and causing you to stutter. the way to fix it is to cut half of it off".
Travis says "w-w-whatever it t-t-takes".

Six weeks later Travis goes back to the doctor and says "I don't stutter anymore but my wife and girlfriend left me. I want you to put it back on".

The doctor said "f-f-f-forget it!"

InDiAn MoM...

A young Indian man excitedly tells his
mother he's fallen in love and
that he is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun,Ma, I'm going to
bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one
I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into
the house and sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while.He
then says, "Okay Ma, guess
which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you Know?"

....

....

....

The Indian mother replies, "I don't like her."

TrY THiS OuT...

Open a blank Word document (microsoft word) and type
the following:

=rand(200,99)

and then Press 'Enter' and wait 5 seconds...

Each sentence contains all alphabets from A to
Z..cool huh?

D wOrD FaSCiNaTe...

A teacher asks her class of 3rd graders
to use the
word "fascinate" in a sentence. She calls on a
small boy sitting in the front row.

"I saw an airshow. And it was very fascinating."

"Good, but I wanted you to use the
word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" She then calls
on a girl sitting off to the left.

"I saw some monkeys. They were very
fascinating."

"Good, but I wanted you to use the
world 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" Billy's hand
shoots up into the air and she calls on him.

"Teacher, teacher! I got one!"

"Go ahead, Billy."

"My sister's shirt has ten buttons, but her tits are
so big she can only fascinate."

D wOrD FaSCiNaTe...

A teacher asks her class of 3rd graders
to use the
word "fascinate" in a sentence. She calls on a
small boy sitting in the front row.

"I saw an airshow. And it was very fascinating."

"Good, but I wanted you to use the
word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" She then calls
on a girl sitting off to the left.

"I saw some monkeys. They were very
fascinating."

"Good, but I wanted you to use the
world 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating.'" Billy's hand
shoots up into the air and she calls on him.

"Teacher, teacher! I got one!"

"Go ahead, Billy."

"My sister's shirt has ten buttons, but her tits are
so big she can only fascinate."

PaU vS MaGGi!

One day, siew pau and maggi mee had a big fight.
Maggi mee beat siew pau up until it had bruises on
its pau body. Siew Pau lost the fight and went
back to tell all the pau family;- kaya pau, tau sa
pau, curry pau, and etc. So together.. all the
paus went to find maggi mee for revenge. On the
way... they met Spaghetti.. so all of the pau ran
to Spaghetti and BEAT the hell up on Spaghetti
that Spaghetti cant say a word, Spaghetti then
scream..."what did I do? I don't even know you
all"..Then the siew pau say.."HEH! MAGGI MEE!
Don't think I cant recognize you after you do
REBONDING!"

PoRCh PaiNTiNG...

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

ELk HuNTiNg...

Dave and Bo went elk hunting every year. The forest was so thick that they had to hire a helicopter to take them in and out. At the hunt's end, Dave and Bo called up the helicopter to come and get them and the six elks they had shot.
On arrival, the helicopter pilot looked over the catch. "I can only carry half of your catch," he said. "Six elk would be too heavy for the helicopter."

"Last year the helicopter carried six elk," replied Dave. "And it was the same type of helicopter as yours and the weather conditions were exactly the same."

The pilot succumbed to persuasion and took aboard the hunters and their six elk. The helicopter could not gain height and skimmed along the tops of the trees for a mile or so, and then crashed. Fortunately no-one was hurt.
"Do you know where we are?" asked Bo.

"Yes," replied Dave, "about a hundred yards from where we crashed last year."

MaLaYsiAnS...

One day, there is an American, one Italian, a
Malaysian and a Bangladeshi
> travel around on a private helicopter.

> After about one hour travelling, the American
take out his cigarette (
> Dunhill ) lighted it up and start smoking after two
sip, he throw the balance of the cigarette. The others three
persons surprise and ask "
> Why didn't you finish-up the cigarette before
throwing ? " He reply
arrogantly "there is a lot of cigarette in my country".
>
> Half an hour later the Italian take a bottle of
branded perfume and apply on him and the rest he throw out of the window.The other three persons > was surprised and ask " Why did you throw
away the perfume ? ". The > Italian reply also "there is a lot of perfume in my
country".

> The Malaysian don't know what to do suddenly
push that Bangladeshi out of the helicopter. The other two person was
shouted crazyly " Why did you push him !!!!!!!?????? " . The Malaysian say
slowly "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my country ".>

> Everybody kept quiet and stay away from the
Malaysian.

'SuPPLiES!!'

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'

To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'

And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'

He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.'

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'

The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'

The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnayfin' him either.'

The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells...

'SUPPLIES!!'

3 ReQuiREmEnTs...

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

"Yes, but are you good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

AdOPtEd TuRTLe...

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

SoUThErN PiECe...

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"

"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice lookin' too and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to my room?"

When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me; it was real sweet and right neighbourly, but where ah come from in Albama, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to trouble y'all for a piece uh ass for mah drink."